Knowledge

Dear Readers, When I was so young, I am so curious, how they are entering Jannah? Why, some says, it is easy to enter paradise yet, it is hard. I can't really figure it out. And, what about syirik (A person that makes God equal or less equal to the others). How can this be proved? When, I learned the true syirik, I wonder, everyday, is it I commit syirik? While, I am not idol-worshipper, while, I think I am still praying to Allah. Without I realise it, I have commited Syirik. You know, what's that? As-Syirik As Asyghar. A hidden Syirik. I am scared if I failed in exams, but, today Allah makes me realized, not exams, it is something more. Something that I must see very far, it is God's love. When people asked me, "What do you want in life?" Why am I so stupid telling them, what have human's taught without thinking beyond than that. I said, " I wanted to be a successful person. I wanted to achieve victory. I wanted everything that brings good to me." But, I forget, "I wanted to be good in front of Allah. I wanted to please Allah." And, He promise me a victory, everything good that I want. I just forget that. And, everyday I am doing it. I spend my time seeking for knowledge, but, I forget what I aimed about. Not exams, not victory but Allah. I should. Forgive me, my Lord. I am scared if Allah don't look at me at Akhirah. I am not pious, I am not an angel. God, I can't see You, but I can feel You. I am such a fool! I can't even think about it! Think nicely about Allah. You know, one-day, I loved this person so much, so, she is. I regard her as my bestfriend, as we can't separate at all. But, Allah, at that time, He take away her heart. As time goes by, she don't bother for me at all. And, I am crying thinking life is so unfair. Yet, Allah wants me realise that there is nothing permanent except Him. He awaits for me, He wants me to get nearer to Him, He wants to give something best for me. But, I am so unrealized, I am thinking of that person, that person who has no power on everything! Even, she can only consult me, not changing the situation into a betterment! When I wanted that thing so much, He didn't give me. He makes me lose it. Why? Because, He doesn't want me to depend on that thing, but Him! He consulted me through knowledge, gives me lessons through situations and gives me courage through punishment. FORGIVE ME MY LORD!